Like so many teenagers, I was searching for answers and had a lot of questions about just about everything. Why am I here, who do I want to become, is there a God? So many questions.I was raised in what many would consider a “sick” family, pretending everything was okay, and faithfully attending a fundamentalist church that discouraged personal happiness except through the church. Living for 19 years with the anxiety of not knowing from day to day the demeanor of an alcoholic father, who at times could be a loving, caring, even nurturing parent, and at other times a raging, physically abusive animal, left me so uncertain. I was not even sure this was not a normal existence for a very long time, although somehow knowing that it was to be kept secret.
This kind of existence shapes ones interactions with everyone and everything. It can be something to rise above, or something that you abhor so much but end up duplicating the scenarios in your own life.
I turned inward, becoming extremely shy, afraid I would say the wrong thing to someone, and be somehow judged.
This led me to copious reading, an activity in which I immersed myself almost exclusively. What a great way to escape the reality that surrounded me!
I found myself reading books on philosophy, religion, politics, history, anything that helped me shape a positive vision of life and its meaning. I realized that over the centuries men have been asking these very same questions, and discovered some answers that resonated within my core and brought me peace and quiet understanding.
I have titled my blog Cicero 2010, because I was most empowered early on by the writings and orations of Marcus Tullius Cicero, who lived in the 1st century B.C. in Rome. It is only at this later stage in my life that I have again begun to read from these treatises and am finding that our founding fathers also found inspiration and enlightenment from Cicero, along with many other great thinkers throughout the history of mankind.
I hope that this blog will be found by people who are searching for answers, who perhaps are teenagers like I once was and looking for certain truths and undeniable realities in a world that does not make sense right now.
Because what I have found, and what I always knew in my heart, is that man, created by God in his image, is not intrinsically bad, as I was told. We are all here to experience love, joy, happiness and we have the freedom to choose our own path.
So as I write this blog, I intend to share some wisdom, a lot hard learned in my almost 55 years, that can perhaps save another child or young adult from the feelings of unworthiness, not being able to love or be loved, and set forth to experience the life that they dream they can have. Because we all have a choice, we all have it inside ourselves to rise up beyond any circumstance and be complete, as God wants us to be.
If you wish to comment, or contribute, I welcome your input. I intend this to be a positive, uplifting blog, and I know many people who have been through similar experiences have found their own personal answers, and perhaps they can impact others through this medium.
We will see what happens! I am eager to teach and learn.
I will be posting on this site weekly, so please check in with me and share your thoughts with me/us.
Thank you,
Cicero 2010
